I’m finally starting to share my “vacation” experience in Saint Martin! Saint Martin is part of the Leeward Islands in the Caribbean Sea and is actually two separate countries, divided between its northern French side, called Saint-Martin, and its southern Dutch Netherlands side, Sint Maarten. I say vacay in quotes because it was perhaps the strangest travel experience I’ve had yet so prepare for a doozy of a story. I had won a week stay on some random online raffle and one of the only intriguing options to me among many more plain places was Saint Martin/Sint Maarten. Originally my photographer friend was supposed to join me but had to work instead so I was flying solo in not one but two countries at once!
My first trip to France was when I was 16 years old and I’m pretty sure it’s where I caught the travel bug. It was so long ago you were able to smoke cigarettes in the back of the massive plane! And as soon as me and my high school trip friends were on international waters, we were ordering champagne because you can. The French don’t have a lot of alcoholics like the USA because it’s not forbidden fruit growing up and binge drinking isn’t cool there. I’ll save more of that story for another time but needless to say, I returned not once but twice afterwards… I was obsessed with France, the French language and culture. It’s only recently I found out I am mostly French and German DNA much like my Grandmother Stahl who I resemble the most. She was also obsessed with fashion and I used to subscribe her to Harper’s Bazaar so she could love all the couture from home… but back to Saint Martin!
How to Book a Cheap Flight to Saint Martin
Because I was on an extra tight budget traveling suddenly solo, I used point hacks to bring the flight costs down. Flying with Air Canada through a new Aeroplan credit card and staying overnight in Toronto, Canada using my Marriott Points, I was able to pay a mere $66 to fly to Sint Maarten and also rack up points for a later international flight. I then did an American Airlines return flight with like three layovers which I don’t recommend – especially NYC – as I was a hot mess upon return, my body literally failing to function properly after a 12 hour flight. But the price was right at $275… yes you read that right, almost halfway across the world. First I searched for the flights on Priceline.com and then booked directly with the above carriers. You DO NOT want to fuck around and find out internationally with flights. I did reserve a car through them however which I’ve never had a problem with… until now.
What Airline to Book to Saint Martin
I absolutely loved flying with Air Canada, it reminded me of when flying was a nice experience and not giving sky bus vibes. The overnight in Toronto, Canada was pretty uneventful minus the front desk calling me at 10 p.m. asking to confirm who I was again… fortunately they gave me back some Marriott Bonvoy points for that inturupting weirdness. I was at the airport ready to go and right after we boarded, I was next to a crew of people probably my age giving Scottsdale vibes. One of the gals in my aisle whose boyfriend in the middle abandoned her for a window seat up front, said she passed out on the toilet last night and woke up on the floor. I then hear them all talk about walking pneumonia and I literally made an ugh noise out loud. I imagine it is what fuck my life means in noise only. This was right after I narrowly escaped another Thanksgiving plague. My luck was going to shit!
So you have an idea of where Saint Martin is in the Caribbean. You can see Spain off the left and a lot of other fun islands not far away.If the airline hands you this, it is trash. Everything is electronic and you fill it out online (we had no wifi for some reason on our flight) or on a tablet in person with 200 people behind you – not ideal in Saint Martin.
Car Rental in Saint Martin
Once I bust through the madness that was Customs because of the above problem, I was more than happy to get to my car rental place, Fox. I ran around and eventually found them and hopped in an old bus. The driver said they were out of cars since I arrived so late (not true) so he would hand me off to his friends at Sax Car Rental but honor my price. I was losing daylight at this time and jet lagged so getting hella annoyed. Lo and behold they did NOT honor my price, they literally wrote down numbers that didn’t even make mathematical sense, telling me I needed more insurance because my USA one wouldn’t cover it, didn’t give me one minute to think, kept jamming papers and talking to me non-stop. It was infuriating. I logged into their wifi and told them Fox doesn’t charge so much and they brought it down $5 a day. So my online quote went double the price and I was livid and they kept repeating there’s no cars on the island and tough shit pretty much – pay up or no car. If I was able to think for just two minutes without someone in my fucking ear, I would have switched credit cards and handed them my American Express and told them to get fucked on their insurance scam. But here we are… it’s almost dark, I have no idea where I am going and I need a car asap! So I drive off in this car with the smallest wheels ever. At least it was new.
My overpriced ride for the week in Saint Martin. They wrote on my paperwork that I took pics and video of it… so damn shady! Going up the many mountains on this island was a struggle for this little car and was comical at points.
Where to Stay in Saint Martin
It was sunset at this point and I was relying solely on my Google Maps to get me to the other side of the island where I was staying, near Philipsburg on the St. Maarten side. I got lost… for almost 2 hours. NEVER arrive in the dark – and if I wasn’t getting car scammed – I wouldn’t have. But I kept going in circles in the roundabouts and my GPS was complete trash here. I stopped, talked to a nice man who calmed me down a bit and just DIY’d it like the old days but with Google Maps, zooming in and making my own directions as I went. When I finally arrived, the sheer exhaustion hit me like a brick. With no grocery store open, I had enough snacks – and coffee – for the morning. So I settled in and thought I’m sleeping until I can’t wake up… or so I thought.
I was awoken to this glass top exploding in the condo’s kitchen at about 6 a.m., jolting me out of bed and into fight or flight mode in Saint Martin. I was boiling water the night before for something to drink in the morning and well, they’re going to put up warning signs now!The good part of this was I caught the morning views and vibes in Sint Maarten. I later learned this condo was right next to the prison which is why it gave me weird vibes. I asked the host if it is haunted, he said no but I beg to differ. I may begin packing sage again!The view from my condo’s balcony in Sint Maarten. I later learned that if I had another person, we would have been toward the front with much better views.I went down to the edge and caught this view in Sint Maarten. There were spider monkies in the lounge area by the pool as well so that was cool to see. I left left bananas sometimes too!
Where to Get Groceries in Saint Martin
After cleaning up the glass hot mess, my host felt bad for me with my shit luck and brought me over a bottle of Moet and some tropical juice. I told him if I drank that, I’d just pass out but certainly later after I got groceries and relaxed a bit. I headed over to the Fairway Mark It and loaded up for the week. Fortunately I know myself well and the exact amount I need for a week of supplies with some eating out too but got lost in no sleep, all the dried fish (don’t do it), and other exotic to me options. When I returned, my host asked if I’d like to go to the beach. I said yes as long as I don’t have to drive! So we went on quite an epic adventure with a beach bag packed and I was so very grateful for it. Driving on this island is like driving in NYC traffic with Philly potholes and zig zagging motorists from California. Even if you soaked up some good vibes and fun in the sun, immediately back in the car you have heart palpitations while trying not to die – or kill anyone. It’s not for the weak! I was told I had an usually traffic heavy week right after Thanksgiving… of course I did during this trip. So if you don’t have to drive, don’t do it by any means necessary. That’s lesson number one, now on to lesson two!
Best Bars in Saint Martin
First we swung by Oyster Bay Beach Resort with its tropical colors.I enjoyed a strawberry daiquiri with rum topper at Veranda Market and Bistro at Oyster Bay Beach Resort. It hit the spot with these views!Next stop was Bikini Beach on the French side of Saint Martin, better known as Orient Beach. I liked it here and wished I was staying on the beach at this point.Stunning in every direction at Bikini Beach!I was dying to get in the water at this point at Bikini Beach.I learned about Topper’s Rum which was pretty sugary minus the Spiced one at Bikini Beach while enjoying a mojito.
Where to Eat in Saint Martin
Soon we were getting hungry so went to LoLo’s in Grand Case.Very low key but the best views in the house at Grand Case.The meat smelled amazing and the dogs roaming the streets were given some too in Grand Case.You can also get lobster on the grill in Grand Case.Sitting down for a beer, my host insisted on a Presidente Beer in Grand Case.The rain rolled through which I later learned is almost daily in Grand Case.Pigs feet which is like eating gristle in Grand Case. Not my favorite but my host’s go to Sunday meal!I then meandered under this pier for a photo which was a ton of fun and my first time in the water in Grand Case.I met a cat as a cat lady does and we were vibing in Grand Case.Perhaps the most memorable place we went was Rainbow Cafe in Grand Case. They had the most delicious coffee cocktail, it brought me life again!You can go on any beach on the island however your belongings need a home so people rent out beach lounges in Grand Case. We parked it and swam around here for a while.Much better than an espresso martini any day in Grand Case with a walking boutique fashion show behind it.The vibe was Euro party and I was there for it in Grand Case with a DJ spinning and people enjoying themselves.A decent place to stay according to my host in Grand Case. A lot of places were part of the clubs and that would drive me nuts!Some of the cool architecture in Grand Case. I marked this down as a place to return to.Another very good restaurant in Grand Case. Put it on the bucket list!That evening it was quite a stunning sunset and no other night quite matched its beauty in Sint Maarten at the weird vibes condo.Looking back up towards my tiny balcony in Sint Maarten. Every morning the ladies above me would wake up at 7 a.m. and screech their chairs across the floor, my ceiling. I remembered why I don’t like condos or apartments anymore!This is the condo to stay in if you must in Sint Maarten. Listen to the sounds of the island in the below YouTube video!
Brothels in Saint Martin
It was after enjoying that bottle of Moet from the morning debacle, I thought it would be a good idea to go out that night – on no sleep and full day of fun in the sun. My host explained to me there are four brothels on the island… mostly on the Sint Maarten side but one I remember vividly heading toward the French side that was like a cheesy pink castle where the women lived too. So I went inside one called Carolina Bar to investigate as honestly the whole idea gave me the ick. This was near Philipsburg and was like a strip club walking in minus the girls, dressed in lingerie and playing on their cell phones lounging, it was dead. I suppose it was too early but the sleazy vibes were there, so I ordered a cheap wine and smoke a cigarette. Everyone smoked on this island, especially the French and at $5 a pack, it’s not expensive. I asked the bartender who was a woman how this works. She said the front takes a cover $10-$20 then the ladies negotiable prices usually around $50-70 for a half hour. This woman was too stunned to speak. Some work their way out of sexual slavery to get a Visa and others are shipped illegally in shipping containers and die from lack of oxygen. When Covid happened, they had briefly on the website to gently place a pillow over their head or do doggy style. It’s been a month now and I’m still absorbing this information… but marijuana is still illegal. Make it make sense! Apparently a big wig on the island married his prostitute… a whole different world indeed. And anyone 18 or older can indulge in booze or paid sex on this island… The next day I was determined to shift the vibe and explore on my own and found a rad place to snorkel via Google.
Where to Snorkel in Saint Martin
The next day after a good sleep in minus the screeching chairs above me, I headed to Divi Little Bay Beach Resort.You cannot take your car through the gates but you can walk down to Divi Little Bay Beach Resort so I packed a beach bag and walked down leaving tiny car in a random parking spot. Lots of these parking spot spots on this island! This wasn’t far from the condo which I realized took hours to drive anywhere else across the island.Digging these statues at Divi Little Bay Beach Resort.Very cool to see an array of international flags in Divi Little Bay Beach Resort.To give you an idea of where you are at Divi Little Bay Beach Resort.To the left at Divi Little Bay Beach Resort.To the right at Divi Little Bay Beach Resort.And much further to the right at Divi Little Bay Beach Resort I popped in for a swim. I learned about Tiki Hut at Divi Little Bay which was no longer in service but a spot to find cool things to snorkel around like underwater cannon, helicopter and the like.I was on the opposite side so I walked over to the other side at Divi Little Bay Beach Resort.I liked this guy’s energy at Divi Little Bay Beach Resort.After climbing around, I met a woman from Pennsylvania ironically who was my cheerleader to go hike down these rocks and explore underwater at Divi Little Bay Beach Resort.So I snorkeled around the tip to the left and it started pouring rain of course, I could barely see anything but slimy blobs underwater and some fish at Divi Little Bay Beach Resort. Fortunately the floating cage still remains from the tiki hut for a breather.I hauled ass back to the Divi Little Bay Beach Resort worried about my bag getting drenched in record time and then plopped my ass in this pool to relax. That was a lot of swimming!Walking back down the hill, I was stunned at the vibrant colors in Divi Little Bay Beach Resort.Also so many iguanas I lost count at Divi Little Bay Beach Resort.Suzie must have been collecting seashells at Divi Little Bay Beach Resort.Another little storm rolled through and made some vibrant colors in the water at Divi Little Bay Beach Resort as I left.I was just poking around the area this day and found a new place in Sint Maarten.Heads up this place should be poppin’ by the time this blog is live in Sint Maarten. Sounds promising!
Best Rum in Saint Martin
This guy is a big deal in Sint Maarten. Most islands have their favorite or famous rum and Topper’s is it. Helpful hint: Don’t park in the lot!People come from all over the world to taste the mothership of Topper’s in Sint Maarten.Walking in is pretty impressive with an array of tastes to try at Topper’s in Sint Maarten.You’re allowed one free taste and I loved the Spice at Topper’s in Sint Maarten.The little guys are only $5 each so you can taste the rainbow at Topper’s in Sint Maarten.There’s a tour you can take too at Topper’s in Sint Maarten.And so many flavors at Topper’s in Sint Maarten.Did I mention SO many flavors at Topper’s in Sint Maarten?Get thee some rum cake for the fam from Topper’s in Sint Maarten..Or tasty af gelato at Topper’s in Sint Maarten. The baby bottles indicate boozy!I left just in time as a double decker tour bus rolled up at Topper’s in Sint Maarten with samples ready to taste.
Best French Pastries in Saint Martin
Since my car was parked and I can’t resist a real French pastry, I stumbled upon this hidden gem in Sint Maarten. It didn’t look like much from the outside…But stepping inside it was like give me one of each at La Sucriere in Sint Maarten.I’m a sucker for a chocolate croissant in Sint Maarten but will eat all of the above.It kept going outside and had wifi as well as….A freaking double rainbow which went across the whole sky at points in Sint Maarten. I just sat in awe watching it happen! There we a lot of glimmers like this in the wake of my weird vacay which kept me sane.I drove back to the condo through Philipsburg proper with its tiny streets and European vibes in Sint Maarten.
Getting Sick in Saint Martin
I was unusually tired and every time I stepped inside the condo, even more so. I reached up to rub my neck and my skull lymph node on the right side was like a golf ball. It didn’t hurt however I immediately knew I was fighting an infection, probably from the lady on the flight who passed out on the toilet. Grrrreeaaat, I thought and looked for my Ibuprofen that somehow got wet but I took it anyway and laid the rest out to dry. So I force rested, watched some terrible Netflix and went to bed early trying to get rid of it. At this point I realized this was one of the vacations where you can’t wait to get home! But I was determined to get rest but still have some fun. I didn’t think about it until now but getting medical help would have been a breeze if I needed it there unlike our pay to play health care system in the USA. So I rested as much as possible until the following late morning.
I stopped at the hill top pull off for this pic and a rep from Oyster Bay Beach Resort asked if I’d like a tour. At this point I really wished I booked a beachfront resort as I was doing this trip all wrong on the mountainside next to a prison so I said yes. Yolo!So I grabbed my car and headed to Oyster Bay Beach Resort to explore a little bit because I was drawn to the French side. Don’t let them drive you there and keep you hostage!The views were quite amazing but the wind was wicked strong at Oyster Bay Beach Resort.To the right of Oyster Bay Beach Resort, I don’t think they had a beach to relax or swim on here.They put a drink in my hand and parked me at the pool next to a bunch of new Philly friends, it was so random yet not at Oyster Bay Beach Resort. They gave me the scoop on where to book timeshares from people like them called Redweek.com.After chatting for a while, everyone was reading and I realized I was without a book so to the little free library they sent me at Oyster Bay Beach Resort. I found this gem, a new fave!After a couple hours of R&R, I did a walkabout and heard a lady calling my name at Oyster Bay Beach Resort. They forgot about me but did a 5 minute meeting at least, giving me another week elsewhere and at this point it felt like maybe I’m learning a lesson here? Haha! We’ll see. But that’s my luck… here’s this amazing thing – with 1 star reviews.At this point I was kind of annoyed I wasted so much time but where was I rushing off to? Also, I should have been resting anyway. This place seemed rad too across from Oyster Bay Beach Resort.So I went back to nearby Orient Beach which is full of fun shops and restaurants. It was stressful though because I couldn’t just sit and relax somewhere because I would be sitting in traffic for 2 hours if so!So I just walked around with some pretty views at Orient Beach.In case you’re thinking of moving to this island! There are some affordable options but better if you live on the East Coast.Photos weren’t allowed but this was my favorite French fashion store Poupee Des Iles at Orient Beach. A must see and shop!I was already to the top of the island and heard Super U French Supermarket in Saint Martin was outstanding so had to see for myself.Your chariot awaits at Super U in Saint Martin. There are two locations but this one was less crazy.I got yelled at for taking this photo at Super U in Saint Martin. Only from the doorway said the guard! It’s like an upscale Costco without the bulk sizes but real, readable ingredients. I wish I shopped there immediately!I needed sugar for the drive home and these were a delight and a steal at Super U in Saint Martin. One Euro equals about a dollar USA.There were layers of chocolate throughout every bite, I was in heaven at Super U in Saint Martin.The only time I’ll show a half eaten anything it was that good at Super U in Saint Martin.And then the longest drive back ever, it took over 2 hours to get back to the condo. I mentally noted the rush hour times and that I wouldn’t be doing that drive again. Here they are decorating yet another roundabout a la New Jersey while waiting in traffic.
Best Photographs in Saint Martin
The next morning I was set to meet up with international photographer Alex from SXM Digital Media and we chose Dany’s Beach Bar at Cupecoy Beach in Saint Martin. Fortunately even with no wifi, we both showed up without confirming and make some epic modeling photos happen! Check them out on my Instagram.To the right, a tide pool I played in with photos that may never see the light of day as it’s a nude beach in Saint Martin.To the left of Dany’s Bar there is a cave that is only accessible with low tide and waves in Saint Martin. We were not in luck!So we meandered over to an even more private beach that Alex had connections to in Saint Martin. No edits to the color of the water!I then drove back and sat in traffic again for another hour and a half in Saint Martin. This was the not so fun part of packed island life. I tried to swing by Maho Beach where the planes fly over your head but it was packed like sardines with people waiting all day for one stupid photo or video and that felt like hell to me!Capturing the bane of my existence, the roundabouts in Saint Martin especially at night you could go in circles.I was just mad at this point and tired from driving so parked it at the fitting name Grumpy’s, the closest beach bar to the condo in Saint Martin. I needed wifi connectivity since I had none at the condo and if you stayed under two hours parking was free.Grumpy’s was next to the cruise ship port in St Maarten.For only $4, you can enjoy unlimited beach beer like Carib at Grumpy’s in St Maarten. Remember kids, prices include tips in almost every country in America. Groundbreaking! Thankfully I had told people via email and social I was out of the office but still… those damn emails and messages persist. Soon I went back to the condo to get ready.I was in a mood and a seemingly normal French man offered to take me out so I said sure! We were on the Grand Case side again at Calmos Cafe and I wasn’t driving so that made me happy in Saint Martin. The staff spoke in French as well but I could still tell he was ordering bottom shelf red wine. I tried a rum old fashioned and it tasted like juice.The experience was brutal though, some of the things he told me are not fit to share after the tenth date even in Saint Martin! I was ready to go back to the condo and ditch the dancing part of plans at the Loterie Farm. This glass of champagne helped.. until he asked if we could split the bill. YOU asked ME out bro! Ugh… I can’t with these feminine men these days. Would you like me to hold the door for you too, princess? For the record, I’m old school in certain ways. Like men should be providers and protectors.After I shook off the ick of that “date”, I went exploring the cruise port as it also had wifi and things to do nearby the condo in St Maarten. I went in here at Great Bay Express out of curiosity and it was about $90 round trip to Saint Barth however it didn’t include Visa fees and transportation once there. So budget accordingly! The same thing for going to the surrounding islands including Anguilla. My luck was pretty shitty this “vacation” so I opted not to go but to focus on the surrounding – and French islands – in the future.If you’re next to this little hut to the right of the blue lady, there is public wifi but they won’t tell you that in St Maarten.I actually enjoyed this exploring in St Maarten. Parking is a problem though… I literally parked at the grocery store and walked down but was paranoid the whole time about towing.A view from the little blue bridge in St Maarten.Then just kept walking on the boardwalk in St Maarten. It’s super low key and chill when there’s no tourists from cruise ships.A building ravaged by the storms that tore through St Maarten that the locals talk about frequently.This guy seemed pretty cool in St Maarten. A fat, happy dog takes a nap in the background.The coolest map in the middle of the walkway in St Maarten.What it looks like during the holidays in St Maarten.I liked the very end of the boardwalk with no humans in St Maarten.I mentally noted this place for the next day in St Maarten. Women owned, run and rad!This photo looks fake but I swear it is real in St Maarten. A lot of places offer the same deal but Lizzy’s had the best price!I attempted a hike afterwards however everything was overgrown and Google Maps lied in St Maarten.I was not about to take the midget car and wheels down this road so parked it and did a walkabout in St Maarten.Further down the road, it ended in St Maarten so back I went.Getting lost by where the hiking trail was supposed to start had no parking signs everywhere so I left in St Maarten. See the rooster?So I went back and read that book as it was the only thing to do in the pouring rain with no wifi and awoke to head to the boardwalk again in St Maarten. Much like Mexico, you can get whatever you need here minus marijuana – that is circa the 90s in a parking lot.I hightailed it back to Lizzy’s with the sun shining again and had the best day in St Maarten.I was early AF because I wanted to soak my last day in fully in St Maarten. This is what I wanted all week!To the left, one lone human in St Maarten.And to the right, no one to be seen in St Maarten. I literally just spent the day here, enjoying not 2 but maybe 3 rum punches, some snacks, meeting people from the lone cruise ship that docked and swimming around like a fish.On more popular days, this beach bar is buzzing in St Maarten.This is the vibe I was looking for all week long in St Maarten!Cheers to finding things much closer than you think in St Maarten! Small but mighty rum punch.Once I started packing up, I saw some doggos taking a nap on the beach. Before that, a pair joined me in the water for a splashing fun time together.On my way back, I had to stop at Grumpy’s again for the wifi so I could check in for my flight in St Maarten. I didn’t leave until sunset but knew I had to pack as well. These are only $3 there! I met Grumpy himself who said some beaches here are beautiful and some are just shit and if that ain’t the truth, haha.After filling the tank that morning which equated to about $35 USD, I went back to the scammy car place. I took more pics, videos, told them their math was wrong so they took like $20 off after fixing it. They told me to get fucked again about the liability insurance and I was on my way to the airport again.My luggage wrapped in Saran wrap, 300 feet of it in my carry on from the grocery store because I knew… as soon as I got to the gate, they flagged me and made me unwrap this expert level job me and nice lady in the bathroom did together. It was like wrangling a dog to put it back together and they didn’t care. The woman was like maybe you should change your name? I said maybe I just need to get the fuck off this island? And that I did… 3 layovers later with one in NYC. I was a physical ball of stress getting home and was elated to wake up in my bed the next morning. I have new luggage now and the funniest part? There was a spare zipper inside of it the whole time because obviously Traveler’s Choice knew it had a defect!The relief I felt was palpable from leaving St Maarten. The energy there is heavy in certain parts. A fellow airline friend also got some sort of sickness and spoke of needing sage to cleanse the space. I think it’s from all the slavery honestly… still happening to this day. Would I go back? Not likely as most people at the condo agreed. And that’s OK, some places you vibe with and some you don’t that’s just part of travel. Bon voyage if you do go and remember, stay on the Saint Martin beach resort side and don’t rent a car!
